You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
