i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize