This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
tell me about the fingering
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