He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
