Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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