It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
