Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
