Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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