so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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