I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
