Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
