we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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