I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
