so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
