he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
