Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
