@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
