i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
