sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
