I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
