you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
