Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
