I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
