we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
