9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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