Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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