I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
its liver damage thursday
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