So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize