Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
