Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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