the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
