dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
