I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
