And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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