I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
