is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
