you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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