Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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