my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
