some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
