Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
