it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
