how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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