will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
