I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
