I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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