There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize