How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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