sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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