i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
