One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
