my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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