Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
