That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
