Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
