I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
