One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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