i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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